General Rant

 

Grapetree Records / Purple Game L.L.C. / Nickels Hawkeye

It has all been an interesting development.

Until recently, the distinction between Grapetree Ministries being a "non-profit" entity and Purple Game L.L.C. being the "for profit" entity has been made. 

I have reached out to several different artists and given them an Artist Recording Agreement to review. So far, there has been interest, but no official signing. I am apprehensive of some of these connections, but I figure that is because the uncertainty of the future relationships between myself, Grapetree and them are just that; Unknown. 

My music production is not in the same vain as most of the artists pre-existing material and I have received criticism for that. I don't plan on adjusting it because of the feedback, but it does make me wish, kind of, that my style was more "modern" and therefore accepted more and palatable. I have to work through and process why I feel this way for myself. 

I wish that artists would see the potential work that could be done if they were to "just go with it" and record their vocals to it and just trust my musical knowledge, but that would be controlling and domineering. I don't want to be like that. It isn't worth the stress.

I look forward to the possibilities each of these artists present to Grapetree's mission to reach people with the Gospel of Jesus, but nothing has yet transpired towards such. I suppose I'm in a period of waiting, and as usual, that is unsettling. When the potential is acknowledged yet unrealized, it is easy to become impatient. That is also something I don't want to be, but am having a hard time restraining.

There is so much work to be done and truthfully, I have a hard time believing that what needs to be done will ever get done. Not to mention the idea that it would all get done with excellence. I have one gripe. When it comes to writing content, it has been said that "someone" (we'll just leave it at that) will be handling the creation of it, but I doubt their grasp of the English language will hold out. Everything that this "someone" writes sounds like it was written by a fourth grader. This is concerning to me as I don't know if that is something that can ever be honestly confronted and taken into consideration for change. There's too much pride there.

If we are going to need content to be created, it must be done with intelligent execution. This means proof reading and being open to correction, which at this point, hasn't been very well received. Thus another source of stress for me. I worry about the representation Grapetree will have and how it will be received by those who are consuming our content, perhaps with a criticizing predisposition. It feels like we will be made to appear stupid and unintelligent, therefore; not serious or competent. Which I believe we can be, but haven't appeared that way in the past. I am still unsure if proper recognition will be given because of this shortcoming. 

My moniker, Nickels Hawkeye, is also on my mind. I've heard several sermons referring to the changing of someone's name in scripture. These people were given new names as a way of changing the way they were to behave, from old to new. I feel like some of the things that I've done in my past were associated with the name "Nickels Hawkeye" and that I don't want to be remembered for those things anymore. I am considering changing my name, but I am not sure to what. I don't want to think up a name and give it to myself. I want God to give me a new name, if that is even what He wants. I don't know if this is God putting this notion in my mind or if it's simply my own insecurities. I have invested so much effort into creating instances for the use of my moniker that it would be unfortunate and inconvenient to have to remove or change them. Would that even be necessary? Have people paid enough attention to that name to make it pointless to remove it from use? I don't know. I'm sure that people would still call me Nickels Hawkeye regardless of any announcement of any new name. Would the battle be worth my time? I don't know. I would seek opinions if anyone showed any interest in giving me feedback, but that hasn't been the case in the past, so it feels like it would be pointless to ask for that.

What should I do?

The latest release from Grapetree is a compilation entitled "Muzik2Ride2 (The Story Ain't Over)" and will be released shortly. I streamed a preview of the entire project on my YouTube page and NO ONE joined in to listen to it. It was discouraging and causes me to question if I should even pursue livestreaming any longer. If no one interacts with this effort, it is pointless. I've posed that question to others before and I haven't received any positive feedback; or negative feedback. I feel completely ignored. Again, I don't know what I should do about it.

For anyone who might be interested in the compilation, here is the stream if you want to listen to it.