2022 is gone! 2023 has arrived!
I think, this year, I'm going to focus on healing.
My marriage to Jamilah has been on my mind a lot lately. I seemingly can't get over the idea that I pledged my heart to her. Although she doesn't want it. It's been made obvious by her marrying another man and having his child, but for some reason, that doesn't change what my heart meant. Of course, I won't be acting upon it, because that would be weird and severely inappropriate. But the resolve that I made in order to marry her still remains. I've tried to get rid of it, but even if I were able to find someone and replace her, at this point at least, it would feel incredibly wrong and also inappropriate. I'm not thinking by any stretch of the imagination that we will ever reunite, but it would still feel like I'm going back on the promise I made to Jamilah. You know the one, "Till death do us part". I'm still alive and I feel like I'd be not taking what I meant seriously if I met and dated and married someone else. Also, I wonder often if that would be something that I should even ever consider from here on out. Like I've said to friends in the past, yet fairly recently, "God would literally have to produce a physical burning bush right in front of my face for me to even consider dating or marriage a possibility." And I stand by that. Until I see that, I am not moving toward that idea in the slightest. Until the unlikely event that I do have a burning bush appear in front of me, I will be focusing on healing myself. Whether that be mentally, physically or spiritually. I believe that it will be to my benefit as well as my children's benefit. I need to be the best version of myself for them, if not for anyone else. I need to become the best Father I can be. Failure in that task is not an option. Lord knows, I've failed at that already. That is too often. My Fatherhood and my healing are my priorities from now on.
As usual, I bring everything back to music. NEW ERA is the title of my latest release of instrumentals. I released them in "single" form online. They're in a playlist called "NEW ERA" and that's about it. No official album or anything. This release signifies the idea that I wrote about in the previous paragraph. These are the tracks that have been the soundtrack to the last several months while coming to these conclusions. I hope you enjoy them!
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